The Unruly Roommate

Have you ever had a roommate who you didn’t quite know what to do about? Perhaps you knew something unusual was going on in his room, but didn’t quite know how to approach the subject. His habits are strange and you’re not sure you can live with this guy much longer. Maybe you find yourself doing inconsiderate things, like playing loud music when he’s sleeping, hoping he’ll be annoyed. You realize that secretly, you wish he’d move out and then you wouldn’t have to deal with him any more.

I think we can be like this sometimes with our subconscious minds. Our subconscious minds are programmed with various things that we’ve told it over the years, and sometimes, I think we know there’s something strange going on in there, but we don’t quite know how to address it. We wish it would stop interfering in our lives — sabotaging what we’re doing.

Obviously, your subconscious mind can’t “move out,” but what if you are frustrated with its behaviour? Have you ever thought of simply talking to it? From your conscious mind, you can address your subconscious any time. You can counter any false beliefs you become aware of, using affirmations, positive self-talk, or affirmative prayer.

You can also get quiet and see if your subconscious has anything “to say” to you. In other words, you can have a wave experience, as I describe in Love Your Skeletons — a new, interesting insight into what is really going on inside you after a wave of powerful emotion passes through.

So, as always, I’m just giving you some things to think about and some ideas about tools you can use to learn to accept yourself more fully. You may have an unruly roommate inside you, so to speak — a part of you that you’d like to be rid of but don’t quite know how to address it. Just talk! Write in a journal. Don’t be afraid to open up a dialogue with parts of yourself you may have pushed down or ignored. And remember all the while that you are a whole, beautiful person on this interesting journey of life like the rest of us!

Loved and Lost, Left and Laughed

Have you heard the expression

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Although this can be a great way to think about past relationships — appreciating love in all its forms — it can also make us feel melancholy, miss “the good old days” or regret things we did.

I recently stumbled on a new musical artist, Leif Vollebekk. In his song When the Subway Comes Above the Ground he twists that well-known homily like this:

“It is better to have left and laughed than never to have left at all.”
– Leif Vollebekk When the Subway Comes Above the Ground

For some of us, this is all too true! It is better to have left unhappy or abusive relationships and learned to laugh again. It is better that we found our inner, hidden strength, that we learned to respect and love ourselves… It is so much better to be alone and happy than attached to someone who hates himself so much, he seems intent on making you miserable.

yellow rose

It has been over twelve years since I left and laughed. If you are on the threshold of doing the same, considering leaving an unkind mate, let me tell you there is life after an ugly relationship — there is laughter after leaving.

International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies

Listen to Leif Vollebekk’s song here:

Loved and Lost, Left and Laughed

Have you heard the expression

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Although this can be a great way to think about past relationships — appreciating love in all its forms — it can also make us feel melancholy, miss “the good old days” or regret things we did.

I recently stumbled on a new musical artist, Leif Vollebekk. In his song When the Subway Comes Above the Ground he twists that well-known homily like this:

“It is better to have left and laughed than never to have left at all.”

– Leif Vollebekk, When the Subway Comes Above the Ground

For some of us, this is all too true! It is better to have left unhappy or abusive relationships and learned to laugh again. It is better that we found our inner, hidden strength, that we learned to respect and love ourselves… It is so much better to be alone and happy than attached to someone who hates himself so much, he is intent on making you miserable. He probably does love you, but he is so unhealthy he doesn’t know how to treat you with love and respect. Let him be the one one saying “it is better to have loved and lost…” Many people who love each other can’t live together peacefully, and that’s just the way it is.

It has been over twelve years since I left and laughed. If you are on the threshold of doing the same, considering leaving an unkind mate, let me tell you there is life after an ugly relationship, there is laughter after leaving.

International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies
yellow rose

“Leaving” could apply to other things, too. Maybe for you, it’s about leaving a job that isn’t good for you, or maybe you are thinking about leaving the place you are living. If you really can’t find a way to laugh — enjoy yourself, be happy — then maybe it is time to move. Sometimes we outgrow a place (or job), and the only solution is to leave and accept our “bigger good” somewhere else. Just keep in mind that if you are trying to run from your problems, they have an uncanny way of following you!

But sometimes, you just have to leave that drab apartment for a nicer place. Have you ever ridden a subway that came above ground? It is an interesting experience, and Leif Vollebekk’s song captures it beautifully (video below).


Thanks to CBC Radio, Q with Jian Ghomeshi for introducing me to this great music.

Vibration and Resonance

I know sometimes I talk about vibration on this blog, and since it is a foreign concept to some of you, I enjoy finding new ways to explain what I mean. Here is one that relates to sound waves.

Have you ever seen a tuning fork? It is a piece of metal of a particular size, so that when it is made to vibrate (usually by whacking it on a table or with something hard), it makes a particular note. They are used to tune instruments — once the sound is produced, the instrument can be tuned to it — or to find the right note to start a song (for groups singing acapella).

Now, there is a principle in physics called resonance. Resonance happens when there are several tuning forks, all the same, and just one is struck. This causes the others to start vibrating at the same frequency, just because they are nearby and they are tuned the same. A tuning fork that is tuned for a different note will not start vibrating.

Check out this cute video by a high school student. 🙂

The same thing happens all the time in our lives. For example, when I think thoughts and put out intentions for how my life will be (whether conscious or unconscious), I am vibrating, sort of like the first tuning fork. As I go about my life, I encounter people of all different notes. When I come across some that are tuned the same as me, we have interesting, valuable, intense interactions — we resonate. The type of interaction depends on what note we are all vibrating in resonance to — if it is one of happiness, then we will have fantastic, happy times to together. If it is one of anger, we will probably get into a fight. If it is one of depression, we will act out that play together.

If I encounter people vibrating at a different frequency, we won’t interact much. If our frequencies are very far apart, we won’t even meet. That is how the Law of Attraction works, too — when the vibe is too far apart, the two things can’t be attracted to each other. For example, if you want to meet a “good man,” but you keep thinking about how your slimeball ex-boyfriends treated you, you won’t attract a man to treat you good — you’ll keep attracting slime balls (although they may be wearing better clothes)!

So I hope that analogy helps you think about what vibe you are putting out and what kind of resonance you will see in your life.