The Stain of Complaining

The other evening, a very good friend and I were sitting around the living room, listening to music and talking about our life experiences. We were connecting deeply, and as the night went on, we both fell asleep on the couch. I was so amazingly content — beautiful music playing, cozy living room, lovely company and wonderful conversation. I felt myself rising to a very high vibration — love and appreciation — and I stayed there for a long time, basking, feeling warm, and connecting to my intuition…

My friend was very comfortable on the couch, I could tell. I was too, but suddenly, I felt like my back was cold — it wasn’t covered by any blanket and there must have been a slight draft from somewhere. From my place of pure, clear appreciation, came the stain of complaining. It was positively palpable — I could taste it in the air. It was like those cheesy stain remover info-mercials where they add deep blue and red dye to a clear container of water — the dye churns. My complaining was colouring my mood and I could feel it as clearly as if I was standing outside in the rain. It churned.

I adjusted my position to get warmer and more comfortable, but the mood did not lift immediately. I laid there, thinking about the startling effect my complaining was having on my body. My happy, glowing feeling was gone. I was just back on the couch, mostly comfortable. I felt like I was in my body again — I had been flying so high, I had been somewhat unaware of my physicality for a while. I felt very concrete, but not grounded. It’s difficult to explain.

The effect on my mind was just as obvious. The lighthearted, clear feeling I had been basking in was gone. I was cloudy, confused, even anxious… all from one little complaint. I had a hard time shaking that feeling of complaining, and I even, very briefly, started judging my friend for being comfortable when I was not. Thankfully, since I am in the habit of being aware of my thoughts, I nipped that in the bud — what a ridiculous thing to be jealous of! But that is what complaining does to you — it makes you jealous, cloudy, confused and frustrated, and since I had been feeling so great before, the contrast of those icky feelings was striking.

Of my body, mind and spirit, my spirit was affected the least. Since I was so aware, I didn’t let the complaining go on too long. I let the feeling pass through me, and resettled into a happier state. I keep coming back to the analogy of a cork on water — you have to work quite hard to keep it down. We are the same — when we stop judging ourselves harshly, putting ourselves down or thinking thoughts of lack, we immediately rise up and start to float again. You and I have an invincible spirit, and the very simple, quick act of breathing and coming back to the moment, feeling the goodness of this moment, lets us rise again.

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