How to Change Other People :)

Christmas can be such a stressful time for people. Family relationships are strained to the max, and people who can barely stand each other (often in-laws) are forced to spend time together and try to get along. Ever wish some of those people were different? Try my 3 quick and easy steps to change other people.

3 Quick and Easy Steps to Change Other People (Family or Friends)

1. Understand the Problem

As with so many other situations and problems, you can’t change it until you understand it fully. You will need to analyze your loved ones to understand what’s wrong with them. Only then can you move on to step 2.

2. Formulate a Plan

Once you have determined their main problem — a superiority complex, manipulating personality or judgmentalism, for example — only then can you formulate a plan for how to change them.

3. Force Them to be Different

This is, of course, the most obvious way to change people who annoy you — just make them stop. Make them act differently. It’s really very simple.

Just kidding.

Obviously, I am just being facetious. So why do we often want to change those around us? Because they annoy us? Because we know how much easier our life would be if they did things differently? Because we can see what pain and difficulties they could avoid in their own lives? All of the above.

But clearly, changing someone else is no easy feat. Heck, have you tried changing yourself, someone you have full control over? It ain’t easy! Changing others is absolutely impossible. I might as well remind you of that now.

Often, the desire to change others takes the form of a desire to help, but it’s just as misguided and futile as wanting to force someone to be different. We are in control of our own lives, and no one else’s. We have difficulties because of things we have done, or simply because we think that life is supposed to be hard. We may believe that we are on this planet to help others, however, there are some times we just have to let those around us — even the ones we love dearly — go through a sticky situation on their own. Only then can they grow and learn something from the situation and become stronger by going through it. When you attempt to “rescue someone,” you are often NOT doing them a favour (especially if the situation is not life-threatening, but simply a challenge).

Try and step away from the desire to change those around you. Just look at them and love them exactly as they are. Look around that Christmas dinner table and appreciate the differences and uniqueness that is so celebrated in the spiritual realm. We are lovely, beautiful, and absolutely unique in the world, and that’s how we are meant to be. We are exactly how we are supposed to be.

Don’t compare yourself with others, and don’t wish for yourself to be different. You are perfect. You really are totally and completely perfect the way you are. Perhaps you would like to change some things about yourself — do it if you feel led to, but don’t allow that goal to interfere with your happiness and contentment right now. Change yourself for fun, not because you think you must, or because you don’t like yourself as you are. In fact, the reason you want to change the ones you love is because there is something about yourself you are not happy with. See if you can gently discover that for yourself, about yourself and come to terms with it.

When you wish you could change another, you ultimately want to change yourself.

But you don’t need to. Not one iota. You are amazing and incredible exactly as you are this very moment.

Let it sink in.

Accept yourself fully.

Take a deep breath and let it sink in more.

And every time you feel tempted to change someone, remember that you don’t need to, because you are exactly how you are supposed to be.

When Times are Tough… Stepping into the Dark

When I step from a well-lit area into the dark, an interesting thing happens. My heart starts to beat a little harder and I feel almost like I am blind — I cannot see anything, so I turn my head from side to side and blink furiously. But in a very short time — ten to fifteen seconds — my eyes start to adjust and then I can see again. The longer I am in the dark, the better I can see. After several minutes, I can see almost everything around me and aside from reading small print, I can function totally normally. I bet you’ve experienced the same thing, moving into the darkness!

The same can be true in our lives. When you enter a “dark period” in your life, it feels very unpleasant and your heart starts to pound, too. You can’t see what’s coming up, or what resources or obstacles are around you. Your reflex is to stop everything — instinct won’t let you move unless you can see what you’re walking into. However, if you just wait a little while, the darkness begins to lose its edge, and in no time, you can start to see what is going on. If you stay calm, you can adapt and continue functioning normally. If you panic or think that this is the end of the world, even though your eyes are adjusting, you won’t be able to understand what you are seeing clearly. You won’t know where to go.

So, remember that if times are tough — or if you are remembering a skeleton in your closet that brings back those feelings that times are tough — just wait a little while and you will start to see clearly again. It won’t take long, I promise. It’s a good idea to pause while you regain your vision, just don’t stop there indefinitely. Once you can see again, you can move forward.

Take care, everybody!