Friend Love, Romantic Love

I’ve been thinking lately about the difference between romantic love and friend love. Both are wonderful, and although they are both forms of love, they have quite different feelings.

In romantic love, we feel more excited, thrilled and “on a high.” But romantic love is also prone to some pretty ugly feelings, like jealousy, feelings of owning the other person (or being owned), being judgmental, worry, and insecurity.

Friend love doesn’t usually have those ugly sides, and I am wondering why. We are much more likely to accept our friends fully, to embrace their differences or quirks, to look forward to time together with a calmer, less-emotionally-fragile vibe.

When you love your friends deeply, it is a beautiful, wonderful thing! The same is true for romantic love, but only if you can keep ownership and jealousy out of the way. I think that’s why friend love is so powerful — we have no illusions that we “own” the other person or that he or she should give something exclusively to us and no one else. Because we accept them fully and they us, we feel more comfortable and free to be ourselves. In the early stages of romantic love, we feel so much pressure to impress and perform, but if we instead focused on openly accepting the other person, the relationship would evolve into an amazing-friend level of love. However, in order to accept another, we need to first focus on being our true selves and accepting ourselves fully.

In many ways, this is how it is with my husband and I. Our friendship since getting married has grown to amazing-level, in large part because we accept each other. We are friends first, and I know he can tell me anything and I will listen without judging, feeling insecure or taking it personally. He does the same for me — listening and accepting me, and I feel so incredibly comfortable. It makes me think that acceptance is an essential ingredient in love — whether friend love or romantic love — and without it, the ugly feelings can creep in.

Of course, to accept another, you must accept yourself. Get over your hangups! 🙂 Love your body as it is, and celebrate its amazingness — there are hundred of chemical reactions going on every minute. Cheezies make you think, and soda pop makes your heart beat. Healthy food makes your muscles, nerves, and blood vessels strong. Whatever shape your body is, it is amazing!

Accept your quirks, too. Everyone has their little obsessions or particular ways of doing things, and yours make you unique and cool. Before conveyor belts and assembly lines were invented, everything made in the world was unique and individual, but in today’s society, we can get a little too interested in conforming — in being like everyone else. We wear clothes that are mass-produced, but make no mistake — you are one-of-a-kind, so feel free to stop applying other people’s standards and ideas to yourself.

Every relationship is one-of-a-kind too. It doesn’t have to fit in a box or be easy to explain. Every friendship is unique and special, and when we take care of ourselves and accept ourselves, we are able to be more present, uplifting and loving.

Live and Let Live

Sometimes, I wish the world was more of a “live and let live” kind of place. It occurred to me that there are two aspects of this: “Live” and, of course, “let live.”


You gotta live! When we don’t live our life to its fullest, that’s when we get grumpy, snarky, and we stop accepting others around us. If we “settle,” give in, or just play it safe all the time, we cheat ourselves out of all the best life has to offer and deep down, we know it. So we feel unhappy, because being unhappy is a signal — sort of a neon sign! — that we need to change something in our lives, and quickly!

So, if you’d like to join me on this planet of Live and Let Live, please make sure you do the first part thoroughly! Go on that vacation you’ve always wanted, or at least start planning it! Spend time with your favourite people in the world. Go to the park, the beach or the bookstore — whatever you enjoy most. Go to your favourite restaurant or listen to your fav band play. Take time out to visit a friend. Leave work early. Live it up!

Let Live

What does it mean “to let live?” It means to accept others as they are and not have any great desire to change them. It’s not about tolerating people who are different — it means celebrating each and every person exactly as they are!

photo from you ever watched a child play? Didn’t you feel joy or fascination at their freedom, playfulness and exploring spirit? Imagine watching a couple of little children splashing in a kiddie pool or public fountain on a hot summer day. They are having fun and living in the moment, and you can’t help but smile as you see the joy on their faces. That feeling (what you feel while watching them) is pure acceptance. You don’t have any desire to prevent them from splashing, or to make them conform to your way of splashing. You feel happy just watching them do what they do. That’s what it feels like to accept others as they are and to “let live.” You don’t need them to be more like you, to agree with you, or to stop doing something they are doing. You simply accept and love them as they are!

Another aspect of accepting others relates back to accepting ourselves. If we don’t accept ourselves, we will find it very hard to accept others. The aspects of another that irritate you the most are probably aspects that you are not proud of in yourself. Why not look at yourself like you look at those playing children — in wonder and amazement at your growth and how far you’ve come.

Let me know your experiences with “live and let live.” Is this easy for you? Do you struggle with it? Or do you think it’s not even very important these days?