Lighten Up — A Visualization to Reduce Tension

April 8, 2013

I often like to think about why I feel the way I do. When I start the day in a blah mood, how can I improve it? When I feel tired, what can I do to feel better, and have more energy? Many times, I need to change what I am thinking, but sometimes, just getting a change of scenery or distracting myself from what I was doing, is enough to make me feel better.

Our moods are definitely affected by what we do with our bodies. Sitting in one position, such as sitting at a computer or behind the wheel driving for hours, can make us stagnant. Moving around helps us think and keeps our brains active. Even a short walk, swinging my arms, makes me feel so much more alive.

Isn’t it interesting how when you are tense, it helps to stretch — which is actually putting tension on your muscles. When you feel fit, you also feel like being more active. When you smile, you feel better, and it works in reverse also: if you want to feel better, you can fake a smile. I learned that last one from Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink, and it really does work.

I’ve noticed that in yoga, sometimes the instructor reminds me to relax my face muscles or soften my facial expression, so I’ve been playing around with that idea. I am working on becoming more aware of neck and face tension, and reminding myself to ease up. There’s a fun little visualization that I’ve been using that I’d like to share with you.

Visualization: Taking off the Tuque

To start off, I should explain for those of you not from Canada what a tuque is (pronounced “too-ke”). It’s a knitted hat, and can range from loose to tight, big to small, thick to thin. I believe it is a French Canadian word, which explains why people from other countries don’t usually know it. :)t

My first teddy bear, posing here with a knitted toque

My first teddy bear, posing here with a knitted toque

Now, imagine that you are wearing four or five tuques (or any type of close-fitting hat), one on top of the other. There are so many layers, they are squeezing your head all around. Gradually, imagine that you are taking them off, one by one, until you feel the tension release. Your head is no longer being squeezed, and you can feel the light of the sun and the gentle, cool breeze on your head.

Whenever you feel a bit tense, stop and imagine that you are taking the hats off — if you feel really pressured, maybe the hat is a tight swimmer’s cap! As you remove the hats, you feel lighter, your face feels brighter, your eyes feel softer and your scalp more relaxed. The top of your head feels warm and alive… and in addition to feeling more relaxed, you may also find you are better able to connect to your intuition. The seventh chakra is on the very top of your head, so this visualization is bound to help release any pent-up energy.

Hope this helps you relieve tension and feel more at-ease!

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We’re All Killing Something…

April 5, 2013

I’ve been writing quite a bit, but I wasn’t keen to post any of my articles until today. This blog post practically wrote itself after listening to this podcast.)

We’re all killing something.

We are all murderers of something — killing time, for example — and we could even expand this to things we hate. We hate getting more snow (especially in April). We hate traffic, bad drivers, and road construction. Some of us hate our jobs, or where we are at in life.

Hate is really the first step to murder. We’re all killing something. The root of what we are doing, though, comes back to how we feel about ourselves. Most of us are trying to kill something within us — some part of us we don’t like. Instead of killing it, we may choose to fill our lives with trivialities and materialism to avoid taking responsibility for wielding our real power. We definitely would like to kill an obsession or an addictive personality, our dark sides or flaws. Yet, it takes the dark to make the light… and admitting our imperfections is so very freeing.

Sometimes, we want to kill lovely things, good things around us. Sometimes, we hate ourselves so much, we hate everything positive. We want to dirty goodness, smother kindness, kill peace. We hate ourselves so we abuse and mistreat those around us. Ultimately, there were men who hated themselves so much, the killed a really good guy, Jesus. He epitomized goodness and freedom and healing and happiness, and they just couldn’t take it, so they killed him.

You know what’s amazing about Jesus, though? Even though he was the ultimate victim — was killed even though he was perfectly innocent — he didn’t die with a victim mentality. He died simply. He didn’t whine. He didn’t blame anyone or want to get them back for what they did. He didn’t dwell in self-pity for one second.

In the podcast which inspired this post, Jesus’ entire message is boiled down to this

We are killing the things we should love.

So… what are you killing? Could you possibly learn to love it instead?

Anything is possible. 🙂

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Two in One — Our Dual Nature

March 19, 2013

Good versus evil. Black and white. High and low. Manic and depressed.

The cartoon of an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other sums it up nicely — don’t you just feel torn in two sometimes? We are all plagued by a great schism — an unexplainable but nonetheless real feeling of duality. We feel like two beings bottled up into one. We feel like we are battling ourselves. We feel, sometimes, like we can’t trust ourselves — we might go and do something we didn’t mean to do.

Many a philosopher, scientist and physician has studied this dual nature. Why do we have two sides? Why are we bi-polar? What makes us doubt ourselves? Why do we have such powerful internal conflicts?

I have noticed that I’ve been feeling less “dual-natured” these days, but this is pretty new for me, so I started wondering why, now, I am feeling more unified.

I love how Abraham-Hicks explains it. We are two beings in one — a physical being and a non-physical being, which together make up the “total you.” We have an undeniable link to our higher selves, and so we feel a disconnect — a dis-ease, anxiety, fear or frustration — whenever the two sides of us are not in harmony.

Our higher self, or as Abe would say, our “broader inner you,” dwells in a place of complete appreciation — of our selves and people/things around us. When we are having fun, feeling good about ourselves and grateful for the things in our lives, our physical self is in alignment with our higher self.

Of course, life is like a multi-coloured messy ball of yarn, and our thoughts are rarely uniform — they are a mix of positive and negative, self-loathing and self-acceptance. However, when the balance of our thoughts is negative, such as it is when we consistently don’t like ourselves much, we are in disharmony with our higher self and that ever-present dual nature is strong. But when you can find a way to appreciate yourself, your “lower self” is in harmony with your higher self, and you feel more unified and less schizophrenic. I guess I’ve been liking myself fairly consistently, and having fun with friends lately, so that’s why I am feeling so peaceful/at one with myself.

Another way to think of it is ego. The ego is the voice of the disconnected self — the physical part that doesn’t like itself. If you can find ways to quiet the ego, then you’ll feel much more at-ease and healthy. Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth is a fantastic book to read for help with that.

You know, I think that’s why being in love feels so great. When we are newly in love, we are full of appreciation for our lover, and they for us. Appreciation flows back and forth freely and we also, without realizing it, are appreciating ourselves. What you do to another, you do to yourself. Self-appreciation feels great and everything is looking up. However, if your self-esteem was low (before you fell in love), then you will eventually slip back into your pattern of not loving yourself, which causes you to stop loving your mate, and the feedback loop of appreciation is broken. The only way to fix it is to spend some time with yourself, liking yourself, and do whatever you can to accept and appreciate yourself more.

This is what I mean when I say it’s important to be self-centered. That’s not the same as being selfish; it is in fact, serving everyone in your life to be self-centered enough to love yourself and therefore be capable of loving others.

Self-appreciation is central to everything in our lives. If you can, catch yourself when you are critical and change your thoughts to more positive ones. Why not decide that you’re okay just as you are?! Celebrate your quirks and appreciate your body. The more you can appreciate yourself, the happier you’ll be!

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The Mirror Lies

March 18, 2013

A few years ago, I went on a seven-day kayak trip on the Peace River and, I hesitate to admit, I barely did any personal hygiene. I had a bath in the river once, on a particularly hot day, and I think I washed my face once a day… It was a wilderness trip, so how I looked was not on my mind.

I had an amazing time on that trip, and when I finished, I had an new image of myself in my mind. I was a blonde-haired, fit, vibrant, healthy — lithe, even — kayaking goddess! Imagine my surprise when I looked in a mirror again and saw that I really hadn’t changed. I was sure that seven days on the water had changed me, but it did so in deep, personal ways, not physical ones. It took me a little time to get over that identity crisis. So where was the problem — with the mirror, or with me? I think it’s the mirror. Everyone knows that mirrors lie.

When you look at yourself in the mirror, you don’t see your real self. Most of the time, you can only see parts of your self. You focus on a blemish. You see wrinkles or discoloured skin. If you try to expand your view, you might be able to see your whole face, but it still isn’t the real you.

Don’t you find that when you look at yourself in a mirror, you are being analytical? As a result, you don’t have the spark of life in your eye, so you look dead… unhappy… and, well, analytical.

It’s universally true that the thoughts you are thinking show up on your face. In real life, when you are enjoying yourself, having fun with friends or doing something that makes you feel good, you look completely different than you do in the mirror. You look beautiful. You look amazing!

Now suppose you have a full-length mirror. If you stand very far away from it, and quickly glance at yourself, you might be able to get a clue about what you really look like. But if you just stand in front of it, looking yourself up and down, that’s not accurate either. We are always in motion and we don’t just stand face-on to a person and let them look us up and down very often!

We behave in front of mirrors like models in front of a camera. But we aren’t models! We are regular people, and we are fantastic! Thank goodness we aren’t models, being judged on every square inch of our bodies… although even models have to have a brain in their heads. I watched “America’s Next Top Model” a few times, and one thing I took away from the show was that there is more thinking involved in modelling than I thought, and being pretty wasn’t enough. The girls had to make up a facial expression that had some meaning to it — just like Zoolander! 🙂 Magnum.

So, it’s definitely true that mirrors lie. They don’t depict what you really look like to other people. They don’t show you in motion, and they don’t show you happy and relaxed, unless you make a special effort to be that way in front of a mirror. They don’t show you the spark of life, the spring in your step and the smile you have by way of welcoming others. So don’t believe what you see in the mirror!

There’s so much more I could say, but I’ll leave it at that for now. 🙂 Keep your chin up!

Related Post (from my other blog): See Your Beauty
Photo from this great post: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

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Standing on a Whale

March 7, 2013

I know a man, let’s call him Doug, who recently left his job because he was so unhappy working for that company. He frequently complained about how badly the company treated him, how he was being treated unjustly, and how he wasn’t being paid what he was worth. He often asked for an increase in his wages, but was always denied. To him, it was extremely frustrating and he felt totally unappreciated.

Another friend of mine also knows Doug. From his perspective, this guy Doug was a real jerk every time he dealt with the company about any problems that arose. His manager denied his requests for a raise, most likely, because he was such a sh*t disturber and was always so rude, they couldn’t give him more money on principle. He was difficult to deal with and always had a huge chip on his shoulder.

Well, luckily for him, Doug got another job which paid far more and offered a nice work schedule to boot. He took it, happily leaving the company he had been working for. Wouldn’t you know it, less than three months into his new job, Doug’s new employer has already told him he needs to work on his people skills (read: be less rude). He’s already starting to feel jaded and ticked off at his new employer, and he seems to be making a hobby of meddling in the affairs of his old one.

Can you see it as clearly as I can? This guy is just taking his problems with him wherever he goes. He has not changed, so he is going to keep living out the same themes in his life — being mistreated because he is unkind towards others, and not feeling appreciated because he can’t be bothered to appreciate anyone else.

Once again, the teachings of Joseph Campbell, from The Power of Myth, contain great wisdom about this.

“There is a Polynesian saying:

Standing on a whale, fishing for minnows.

We are standing on a whale. The ground of being is the ground of our being, and outward turned, we see all these little problems, but inward, we are the source of them all. That’s the big mystical teaching.” – Joseph Campbell

Standing on a Whale, by Teresa Griffith

Do you see any recurring themes in your life? What whale are you standing on? You can fish for minnows if you like — look around you for the cause of your problems — or you can realize the whale you are standing on. Put your fishing rod away, look down and think about it. Standing on a whale does not make you a bad person — it just means you’re human. 🙂

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Changing the World… Wisdom from Joseph Campbell

March 1, 2013

Joseph Campbell, philosopher, mythologist, author of The Hero with a Thousand Faces was interviewed by Bill Moyers, and the video series which aired on public stations is called The Power of Myth. In it, Campbell talks a great deal about myths that are common around the world, what they mean, and what their symbolism means for us in our lives.

In part 1, one symbol Campbell and Moyers discuss is dragons. In European culture, the dragon often represents the ego — a part of us holding ourselves back — and that is why the hero must slay the dragon to be all he/she can be. Moyers says “unlike the classical heroes, we’re not going on our journey to save the world, but to save ourselves.” Campbell immediately exclaims

And in doing that, you save the world. I mean, you do! The influence of a vital person vitalizes. There’s no doubt about it. The world is a wasteland. People have the notion of saving the world by shifting it around, and changing the rules, and so forth. No — any world is a living world. It’s alive. And the thing is to bring it to life, and the way to bring it to life is to find in your own case where your life is and to be alive yourself.

Interesting idea, isn’t it? We don’t change the world by any attempt to change external environment — we change it by changing ourselves, on the inside. I believe Campbell would say to lay down your banner of discontent, to put away your protest signs, and stop looking at problems around you. What bothers you about the world, bothers you about yourself. Come to terms with those things within you and learn to fully accept yourself and you will no longer feel the desire to protest. You will not want to fight against anything, and you will find your inner peace.

We have not even to risk the adventure alone, for the heroes of all time have gone before us. The labyrinth is thoroughly known. We have only to follow the thread of the hero path, and where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god.
Where we thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves.
Where we had though to travel outward, we shall come to the centre of our own existence.
Where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world. – Joseph Campbell

Life is an amazing, multi-faceted jewel — it glints and reflects the light of Source. The activities of life don’t always go smoothly or perfectly, but it is through the struggles we meet our true selves. We can find a deep, peaceful place within, and the true journey of life is to find this place.

Be alive. Do what you enjoy! Follow your bliss. Allow peace to come in.

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Friend Love, Romantic Love

February 24, 2013

I’ve been thinking lately about the difference between romantic love and friend love. Both are wonderful, and although they are both forms of love, they have quite different feelings.

In romantic love, we feel more excited, thrilled and “on a high.” But romantic love is also prone to some pretty ugly feelings, like jealousy, feelings of owning the other person (or being owned), being judgmental, worry, and insecurity.

Friend love doesn’t usually have those ugly sides, and I am wondering why. We are much more likely to accept our friends fully, to embrace their differences or quirks, to look forward to time together with a calmer, less-emotionally-fragile vibe.

When you love your friends deeply, it is a beautiful, wonderful thing! The same is true for romantic love, but only if you can keep ownership and jealousy out of the way. I think that’s why friend love is so powerful — we have no illusions that we “own” the other person or that he or she should give something exclusively to us and no one else. Because we accept them fully and they us, we feel more comfortable and free to be ourselves. In the early stages of romantic love, we feel so much pressure to impress and perform, but if we instead focused on openly accepting the other person, the relationship would evolve into an amazing-friend level of love. However, in order to accept another, we need to first focus on being our true selves and accepting ourselves fully.

In many ways, this is how it is with my husband and I. Our friendship since getting married has grown to amazing-level, in large part because we accept each other. We are friends first, and I know he can tell me anything and I will listen without judging, feeling insecure or taking it personally. He does the same for me — listening and accepting me, and I feel so incredibly comfortable. It makes me think that acceptance is an essential ingredient in love — whether friend love or romantic love — and without it, the ugly feelings can creep in.

Of course, to accept another, you must accept yourself. Get over your hangups! 🙂 Love your body as it is, and celebrate its amazingness — there are hundred of chemical reactions going on every minute. Cheezies make you think, and soda pop makes your heart beat. Healthy food makes your muscles, nerves, and blood vessels strong. Whatever shape your body is, it is amazing!

Accept your quirks, too. Everyone has their little obsessions or particular ways of doing things, and yours make you unique and cool. Before conveyor belts and assembly lines were invented, everything made in the world was unique and individual, but in today’s society, we can get a little too interested in conforming — in being like everyone else. We wear clothes that are mass-produced, but make no mistake — you are one-of-a-kind, so feel free to stop applying other people’s standards and ideas to yourself.

Every relationship is one-of-a-kind too. It doesn’t have to fit in a box or be easy to explain. Every friendship is unique and special, and when we take care of ourselves and accept ourselves, we are able to be more present, uplifting and loving.

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New Outlook on Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2013

Valentine’s Day. Love. Sweethearts. Lovers. It’s a day to celebrate that person who will buy you chocolate, a diamond, or take you out for a dimly-lit overpriced dinner. Oops, is my skepticism showing? 😉

But what if you’re single? Valentine’s Day can be a very lonely day! But it doesn’t have to be. Being single doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you as a person. Your value does not depend on being in a relationship.

This Valentine’s Day, rather than focusing on romantic couple love, let’s remember and celebrate all the amazing people in our lives! Let’s make February 14 a special day to make sure we don’t forget about all the lovely, caring people in our lives…

  • friends who are like sisters, brothers, and cousins
  • sisters, brothers, and cousins who are amazing friends!
  • friends who would give us the shirt off their back if we needed it
  • friends who would drive for 8 hours to see us
  • friends who call to check on us just to make sure we’re okay
  • friends who support us in our dreams, accept us as we are and laugh at our funny stories
  • friends who are like partners in crime!
  • friends who were there for us when we were mourning, or who visit us in the hospital
  • friends who take us along with them to some tropical place, or music festival, or canoe trip
  • friends who we just can’t wait to see again

There is no need to be lonely on Valentine’s Day, when you are as lucky as I am to have friends like these. Allowing yourself to get down in the dumps because you don’t have “that special someone” is a slap in the face to all the wonderful people you do have! In a way, it’s a profound new level of UNthankfulness, so no wonder it feels so hopeless and full of despair. Might I suggest a radical change in your perspective?

Be grateful for all the amazing people in your life. You are not alone. You never will be! Refuse to fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself, moping, or feeling desperate to hook up with somebody. You are better than that — that is only one option of how to act on Valentine’s Day. You could instead choose to be fabulously happy, calling or messaging all your best friends to let them know how important they are to you, or making plans to do something you LOVE to do but don’t usually have the time for. This, of all days, is the day to make sure you don’t forget those people who have helped you when you are down, who held you up when you were weak, or who believed in you when you weren’t so sure about yourself. Know that you are an amazing person, full of life and vitality, and that life is full of possibilities.

Nope, there won’t be any moping around this place! My chocolate is happiness and my diamonds are appreciation. I go for joy! Married and dating people, you can appreciate all the wonderful people in your life, too!

(Photo from Patti Digh’s blog)

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Thought-Belief Triangle

February 11, 2013

Ever heard the expressions

Time is money.

and

Money is power.

So, if this were an equation, then

Time = Money = power

or

Time is power.

Does that make sense? If you believe that time is money and money is power, then by logic you also believe that time is power. You have just unearthed a new belief, one that might explain why when you feel short on time, you feel frustrated (powerless), or that you might try to control another’s time when you really want power over them. Now, you can examine the two original statements and see if they are indeed true, if you were somehow fooled into believing one of them, or if perhaps you inherited these beliefs from your parents. You can choose to change them at any time, since a belief is just a thought you keep thinking.

Isn’t this interesting? I call this making a thought-belief triangle. Take two beliefs that have something in common and see if the addition of them makes sense. I did it in my last post too, where I talked about the gut-thoughts-moods connection.

Scientists have proven that our gut chemistry affects our moods, and we all know that thoughts affect our moods, and now I’ve put the other side on our triangle — our thoughts affect our gut.

Be aware, we are applying a scientific principle here, so it may break down with purely emotional things. I find it amazingly useful in uncovering new truths! Let’s try another one. It’s a fairly common belief that

I will get fat if I eat too much.

I will get fat if I don’t exercise.

So, the third belief is:

If I eat too much, I don’t exercise.

or

I don’t exercise when I eat too much.

What does this tell you? Overeating is really the reason it’s so hard get up and to exercise. If we change our belief that food intake is related to being overweight, then the whole triangle topples down and new truths come out.

Let’s try one more.

Time is money.

Time is limited (there is never enough).

So then

Money is limited.

So, we’ve just uncovered a common belief in the lack of money, and it rests on the belief that time and money are linked, and that time is something we never have enough of. If instead, we start thinking that time is not limited — there is more than enough time to accomplish what we want/need to — then the pressure immediately comes off about money. Alternatively, you could remind yourself that time really isn’t the same as money — poor people have just as much as the rich. Then the triangle comes crashing down and the belief that money is limited may also dissolve, depending on what else you believe about money!

So if your triangle reveals something you don’t want to believe — or something you refuse to accept is true — then take a look at the two initial beliefs and figure out which one you want to change (or feel is flawed). Then, start formulating, wordsmithing, journalling and talking about the new belief instead of the old and see what happens! This is so much fun, I gotta do one more!

The only thing constant is change.

Change is for the better.

Therefore

The only thing constant is for the better.

Sometimes, the third belief comes out sounding a bit like Yoda! So, you might need to “massage” the words a little. In the above example, this person is optimistic — things are constantly getting better. But if you believe that the world keeps changing for the worse, then the third belief would be “the only thing constant is the world getting worse.” This is a pretty negative chain of thought, and one that’s easy to fall into if you start focusing on change being bad. It IS inevitable, but it doesn’t have to be bad!

Notes: It is easier if you use expressions in the positive. For example, in the “Time is money” case, saying “Money has nothing to do with happiness” might get confusing because of the “nothing.” The third belief would come out as “Time has nothing to do with happiness.” Huh? 😛
Sometimes, you might have to use a synonym to make the phrase work or make more sense. Sometimes you have to read it backwards, like I did in the second example. Or pretend you are Yoda!

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How Do Thoughts Feel?

February 10, 2013

A little while ago, I wrote a post about thinking, and how certain thoughts make me feel good and I can improve my mood by changing my thoughts. This is a grand form of self-manipulation, and I’ve been doing it a while so I’m getting pretty good at it.

But manipulating my feelings is not always a good thing to do. Sometimes, my feelings are actually my intuition trying to get through to me, to tell me that something is not right… that I need to change what I am doing… or that I’m making a bad decision. So, I have been learning to listen to my intuition better (read Part 1 here).

The other day, I had yet another realization when it comes to thoughts and feelings. I had been meditating for a while, and my mind suddenly wandered away from the happy, healthy, harmonious thoughts I had been thinking. I mean, I was feeling really good, humming along at a very high vibration, and feeling very “floaty.” And then, out of the blue, I thought “I really need to log in to the online banking and see how much money is in the account.” Woah. I distinctly felt my body react to that thought. It was a slight churny feeling in my gut. So, I made a note of it, re-centered myself, and continued meditating. A little while later, my mind wandered again, and all I thought was “I should check what time it is.” Again, I had a little “worm wiggle” in my gut — very slight, and not exactly in the same place or same way as before, but definitely in response to the thought.

I am sure you have had the experience where you talk about food with someone, your gut “hears you,” and pretty soon it’s churning away and you’re feeling very hungry. It’s happened to me many times, and the strongest when I am talking about my favourite foods! It’s like my gut is saying “give me some of that! That sounds awesome!”

Interesting, isn’t it? When I was meditating, I felt exactly what those thoughts did to me. Both were related to a lack of something — time or money — and had deep, hidden roots in worry. And here I thought I never worried! Well, I don’t worry much, but even just a little bit of worry affected me physically, so I can’t imagine what a full-blown worry-fest would do. Would it affect my digestion? Almost certainly. Would my thinking be clouded? Most likely.

My beliefs about money and time seem to be connected to my gut, and I don’t know if this is universal, or if you would find that a different part of your body responds to similar thoughts. I think it is probably different for everyone, because all our beliefs are individual. No matter what, recent research is showing more and more that we have huge numbers of neurons (brain cells) in our gut. Scientists have proven that our gut chemistry affects our moods, and we all know that thoughts affect our moods, and now I’ve put the other side on our triangle — our thoughts affect our gut. So if one of the three — gut, moods, thoughts — isn’t healthy, looking at the other two can help to fix it. For many of us, it’s the gut that shows up as unhealthy, so it’s good to know that by changing our thoughts and moods, we can have a healthy gut again.

We are energy beings, so we need to remember to take care of ourselves on all levels. Often when we are sick, it’s because our intuition has been trying to get our attention, to tell us something VERY important, and we just aren’t listening. When we get sick, we are forced to stop and take notice, reevaluate our lives and make new decisions.

If you would like to try this experiment on yourself, let me know your results! I’m sure your mind will wander naturally, so don’t feel like you have to think about money or time. Just let me know your experiences (you can leave a comment or contact me directly if you prefer). 🙂

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Create Your Own Universe

February 8, 2013

The Traveler

I love Star Trek, especially The Next Generation. As I rewatched one of my favourite episodes, ‘Remember Me’ (from the fourth season) I was struck again by the profound truths within that story.

The plot begins with Dr. Crusher being mystified by the sudden disappearances of people on the Enterprise. But they haven’t just gone missing — all proof they ever existed is gone. They were never even born. Soon, even the main crew members disappear, and it’s just her and Piccard left on the whole ship. When he disappears, her focus shifts — she is going to tackle this problem methodically and figure out what is going on. She guides the computer through a logical analysis and gradually, she begins to realize that she is stuck in a universe all her own. People are disappearing because that’s what she was thinking about when she became enveloped by the warp bubble universe (another of Wesley’s experiments gone awry). Luckily, Wesley and Beverley, in their separate universes, somehow call the Traveler from Tau Alpha C. He helps Wesley to open a portal to save his mom, which he can only do if he lets go of the past. The Traveler says:

“It is time. Let it go. Let go of the anticipation, the expectations, the demands upon yourself. Let it all go. Leave it behind. Yes… The ability is there inside of you. You do not need to look for it.” – The Traveler

We create our own reality with our thoughts. It takes shape according to what we think, but unlike the Star Trek episode, we can’t track it back to an exact moment when we had a certain thought, but we can change the direction it is taking at any time by simply thinking about something new. It is no experiment — it is life, and we are living it according to our own self-imposed boundaries, limits, definitions and rules, all of which we can change at any time.

Our universes overlap to the extent that we have things in common with others. For example, my universe doesn’t overlap with Donald Trump’s, that is, I don’t interact with him, because I don’t have much in common with him. However, if I think more abundantly, I will start to meet and interact with more abundant, thriving people (which I do already, just not so much with the ridiculously rich folks). The type of people in my life are an indication of where I’m at with my thoughts and vibration.

So if I am unhappy with someone in my life and I “kick them out,” someone new and similar will come along and take their place if I don’t change the way I think. The people closest to me are an indication of my inner workings. When I abuse myself, so do others. When I take care of myself, those around me treat me better too, and I find I have all sorts of great friends and lovely people around me, even in minor interactions with grocery store clerks. My thoughts and relationship with myself are quite clearly visible, once I realized this is how the world works. I think we all secretly know this, which is why we try to fool others and get so concerned about appearances — we feel like we don’t like ourselves and everybody knows it and it makes us uncomfortable. The solution, of course, is to learn to like ourselves more.

The overall direction in our lives is sort of a sum of our thoughts and feelings. Experiences that are more intense hold more weight, so if you want to be happier, try to recall a time when you were *really* extremely happy. By recalling/re-experiencing that feeling, your life will head in that direction. This is the Law of Attraction in a nutshell, so if you were unfamiliar with it, you’re not any more!

We each create our own universe. We are either moving toward more love or more hate, more compassion or more antagonism, more freedom or more fear. Choosing what way to go is as easy as changing lanes in a wide, multi-lane freeway — think about which way you want to go, wait for a space in the traffic and do it! In this analogy, the “waiting for the space” is just living in the present moment as much as possible and being aware of your thoughts. As you choose the direction and make the lane changes, some of the people in your life may change, and that’s a good thing. There are always more lanes on your left or right — the freeway is infinitely wide — because our growth is never finished. It is all about the journey!

Once more, take the advice of the Traveler:

“It is time. Let it go. Let go of the anticipation, the expectations, the demands upon yourself. Let it all go. Leave it behind. Yes… The ability is there inside of you. You do not need to look for it.” – The Traveler

It is time. Let it go.

Here is a link to the Star Trek episode, if you’re interested! Unfortunately, it doesn’t show the inspirational speech by the Traveler. 🙂

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The Subtle Power of Asking Forgiveness

January 6, 2013

I have, for the most part, wandered away from my churchy upbringing. I am deeply spiritual, but it is closely personal — not something I do in public very much. Since I stopped regularly attending church services anywhere, I have become quite an independent thinker. I’ve grown to question many of the principles that churches teach, and have de-personified God in my minds’ eye. I don’t think of God as a “big person” from whom we ask forgiveness or risk the consequences of his wrath.

Listening to Norah Jones’ song “Humble Me,” this morning, I had a new insight on forgiveness. I love that song — isn’t Norah great!?! I had been noticing all morning that my senses were a little sharper than usual, and as I was sitting in a place of very acute self-awareness, I joined in on the chorus

You humble me, Lord
You humble me, Lord
I’m on my knees, empty.
You humble me, Lord
You humble me, Lord
So please, please forgive me.

When we ask for forgiveness from anyone, but in particular, from God (however we picture “him”), we are humbling ourselves, which is simply that we release some of our ego. We give up a little bit of it, and equally important, we come snapping back very vividly to the present moment. I don’t think you can daydream and ask for forgiveness at the same time — you have to be present, take a deep breath, and say the words. Any time we do that, we release a little bit of the hold our ego has on us. And any time we do that, we become more aware of life’s beauty, of life’s peculiar perfection.

And that must be why asking for forgiveness has a certain freeing quality to it, especially when it is done in Norah Jones’ manner — asking, without desperation. Asking, with a very deep, quiet knowing that forgiveness is certain. Asking, with no attachment to the outcome, just asking because it is the best thing to do. It is acknowledging that something we did wasn’t as we would have liked, or that we know it was inconsiderate or unkind, and we didn’t mean to be that way, that we don’t feel that way any more. Asking in this way just quietly, non-confrontationally turns away from the ego. It is simple, beautiful, and is so freeing.

Listen to Humble Me again. It is such a beautiful song. Imagine that as she sings, you are singing too, and that you are reconnecting with the perfect-ness of this moment. To be humble is to have great strength. And forgiveness is certain.


(Norah Jones singing “Humble Me”)

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How to Change Other People :)

December 25, 2012

Christmas can be such a stressful time for people. Family relationships are strained to the max, and people who can barely stand each other (often in-laws) are forced to spend time together and try to get along. Ever wish some of those people were different? Try my 3 quick and easy steps to change other people.

3 Quick and Easy Steps to Change Other People (Family or Friends)

1. Understand the Problem

As with so many other situations and problems, you can’t change it until you understand it fully. You will need to analyze your loved ones to understand what’s wrong with them. Only then can you move on to step 2.

2. Formulate a Plan

Once you have determined their main problem — a superiority complex, manipulating personality or judgmentalism, for example — only then can you formulate a plan for how to change them.

3. Force Them to be Different

This is, of course, the most obvious way to change people who annoy you — just make them stop. Make them act differently. It’s really very simple.

Just kidding.

Obviously, I am just being facetious. So why do we often want to change those around us? Because they annoy us? Because we know how much easier our life would be if they did things differently? Because we can see what pain and difficulties they could avoid in their own lives? All of the above.

But clearly, changing someone else is no easy feat. Heck, have you tried changing yourself, someone you have full control over? It ain’t easy! Changing others is absolutely impossible. I might as well remind you of that now.

Often, the desire to change others takes the form of a desire to help, but it’s just as misguided and futile as wanting to force someone to be different. We are in control of our own lives, and no one else’s. We have difficulties because of things we have done, or simply because we think that life is supposed to be hard. We may believe that we are on this planet to help others, however, there are some times we just have to let those around us — even the ones we love dearly — go through a sticky situation on their own. Only then can they grow and learn something from the situation and become stronger by going through it. When you attempt to “rescue someone,” you are often NOT doing them a favour (especially if the situation is not life-threatening, but simply a challenge).

Try and step away from the desire to change those around you. Just look at them and love them exactly as they are. Look around that Christmas dinner table and appreciate the differences and uniqueness that is so celebrated in the spiritual realm. We are lovely, beautiful, and absolutely unique in the world, and that’s how we are meant to be. We are exactly how we are supposed to be.

Don’t compare yourself with others, and don’t wish for yourself to be different. You are perfect. You really are totally and completely perfect the way you are. Perhaps you would like to change some things about yourself — do it if you feel led to, but don’t allow that goal to interfere with your happiness and contentment right now. Change yourself for fun, not because you think you must, or because you don’t like yourself as you are. In fact, the reason you want to change the ones you love is because there is something about yourself you are not happy with. See if you can gently discover that for yourself, about yourself and come to terms with it.

When you wish you could change another, you ultimately want to change yourself.

But you don’t need to. Not one iota. You are amazing and incredible exactly as you are this very moment.

Let it sink in.

Accept yourself fully.

Take a deep breath and let it sink in more.

And every time you feel tempted to change someone, remember that you don’t need to, because you are exactly how you are supposed to be.

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Getting Out of a Funk!

November 24, 2012

I was in a funk the other day, and not the good kind of groovy, breakin’-a-sweat-on-the-dance-floor kind of funk. It was more like the funk you find on leftovers that you forgot about in the back of the fridge. That kind of funk, emotionally.

I was frustrated, ticked off. I couldn’t believe that a phone company could have such bad customer service. I was right annoyed. And from that one frustrating event, I ended up getting into the funk I mentioned — an emotional confusion, frustration and general ugliness. It wasn’t full-blown anger but it wasn’t pretty. I was definitely not myself.

It wasn’t easy, but I managed to get out of that funky bad mood. Let me give you a few strategies to try that might help you when you feel crappy and don’t like it.

1. Feel the feeling. Don’t try to avoid the feeling, or pretend you don’t feel cruddy. Actually stop and “check in” with your body to see how that frustration or anger is making you feel. Stomach unsettled? Tension? Take a quick poll, and then breathe.

2. Ask yourself “how would I rather feel?” Would you rather feel content, happy, or even just blah? Usually when I feel cruddy, even just boredom feels like a relief. This can be a tough step, because you start to sense the big gap between how you feel now and how you want to feel. Just the same, it’s a good trick, because you can start to make a move to a better feeling.

3. What thoughts have you been thinking? If you have been thinking about how everything is unfair and nothing is working out right, then no wonder you’re funky. Try to identify what you have been thinking about lately. Act like a scientist doing research — try to be detached from the thoughts themselves.

4. Go general. Now, choose to think something different and start a little “good-feeling” rant in your head. It is always best to go as general as possible. It won’t work to try and criticize or analyze why that company had such bad customer service, for example. Instead, think that “this kind of treatment was unusual, because normally, people treat me well… generally, things go really smoothly for me… the sun in shining and things are looking up… whatever things in my life that aren’t perfect aren’t really a big deal… I am healthy and that is a huge blessing…” Any thoughts along general, positive lines are best.

If this is too hard or feels too fake, try this:

5. Distract yourself. It is absolutely perfectly okay to distract yourself from whatever is cheesing you off. Change what you are doing — go do something you enjoy. Play a game, call a friend (but don’t bitch at him/her), or listen to your favourite music. Do something with your hands. Go for a walk or move your body (this is great if you are caged in an office). If you are at work and can’t really leave, you can still change what you are doing, go for a coffee or other excuse to move your body a little. The point is to distract yourself from whatever was bothering you with something you enjoy. Like I often say, we are like corks; it takes considerable effort to keep us down. A little distraction is usually enough to let our spirit rise.

Hopefully, you will find these tips helpful to lift your mood when you need it!

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Downplay the Drama

November 23, 2012

When something out of the ordinary happens in our lives, we have the choice of how to react. Sometimes, what has happened really surprises us, but often it doesn’t. Once we are over the initial shock, we can more carefully choose our reaction to the events, decide how we want to think and talk about it.

Part of choosing our reaction to an incident — or something that might become a skeleton in the closet — is deciding whether to increase the drama of the situation or not. I think you know what “increasing the drama” means. It means making the story more exciting, and describing the people in extremes — as villains, idiots, or heroes. Dramatizations are always given in a conspiratorial tone, in hushed, animated voices around the water cooler, so to speak.

What does telling a story with extra drama do? Why is increasing the drama a bad idea? When we add drama to a story, we increase the hardships, make struggles more difficult and problems insurmountable. Injustice reigns in big drama. Without realizing it, we are emphasizing how life is hard, things never go smoothly, and people mistreat each other. There is often a strong, imbalanced morality overlaid on the story. Living in this vibration makes us feel frustrated, critical, angry, and judgmental.

When we choose to downplay the drama as we relive the events, we reduce the struggles and judge people less harshly. Our overall tone is “it wasn’t that bad” or “it was a little mess up” rather than the overexaggerated, dramatized version. We tend to feel that things are looking up, people around us are competent, and problems beatable.

How to do it

So how can you learn to reduce the drama of a situation? Here are some things to think about.

– Stick to the facts. When telling the story of what happened, keep it straight-up boring.

– Become aware of what words you choose when you tell the story of what happened. Think of it as a story that can be told in many different ways.

– Catch yourself before you start to talk in black-and-white.

– Don’t vilify (“villainize”) people. Sure, they made a mistake, but it isn’t about their core character.

– If you enjoy dramatizing, do so with something funny or helpful rather than a bad event. Be a stand-up comedian, not a bad-news reporter.

– There is a balance between doing things in the big-city anonymous way and the small-town gossipy way. Look for that balance.

In a non-judgmental way, watch how other people tell stories. Can you see them getting dramatic and adding to their own frustration? Now see that property in yourself, laugh about it, and curb it before it gets out of hand!

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